she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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