His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
