he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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