Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
