I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I cut my penus on the lid.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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