I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
