I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
