Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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