Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
