Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
