when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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