Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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