that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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