you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
