they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
