WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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