tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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