So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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