I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
