fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
