He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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