come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
