you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
