She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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