I accidentally burped into my bong.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
