babies were throwing up all over the place
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
