New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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