Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
