sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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