Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
