You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
