Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
