strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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