did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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