hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
