I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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