is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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