Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
