I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
