The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
