she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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