Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Randomize
