You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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