How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
