weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just cropdusted the office
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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