I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
