so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
