dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
