My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
