is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
