I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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