woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
