Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
