At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
