You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
