the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
