Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
